


The Life of a Curse Breaker is Often Hard in Surprising Ways

by LurKingFisher



Category: How Best to Use A Sword, Original Work
Genre: Curse Breaking, Curses, HBTUAS - Freeform, How best to use a sword - Freeform, Improvised Sex Toys, M/M, Magical Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 20:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurKingFisher/pseuds/LurKingFisher
Summary: Devon is a cursebreaker with a unique problem.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	The Life of a Curse Breaker is Often Hard in Surprising Ways

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AntagonizedPenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntagonizedPenguin/gifts).
  * Inspired by [If the Chosen One Can't Defy Heteronormative Social Structures, Who Can?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4936777) by [AntagonizedPenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntagonizedPenguin/pseuds/AntagonizedPenguin). 



"How many times do I need to tell you not to stick your cock in the growing spring," Devon sighed. "One, it's unsanitary. Two, the spirit there doesn't like cock. If she lops it off you'll only have yourself to blame. Three, it's not the size that matters." 

"I didn't put it in the spring," Jacob protested. 

"Right, you just normally need a bucket to carry your cock around in."

"I put the water in the bucket. I put my cock in the water."

"Oh for fuck's sake. Go to Barda first and get her to remove the bucket. She's got the tools, I don't. And when she takes the saw or the bolt-cutters or whatever next to your cock just think about your life choices that got you into this situation. Then come back and I'll give you the ointment to rub on it. Again."

"You could give it to me now."

"Not going to happen, you'll just only use half and then claim it's not working and ask for a refund."

"It didn't work..."

"Go. Before I - just go. Fuck off." 

Devon had always thought that specialising in curse removal would be far more exciting than it actually was. Most of the time things weren't even cursed, he'd just to wave some sage around, look all mystical and claim he'd removed the curse. He'd felt bad about taking money for it, until his teacher told him that the more they paid the better that sort of curse removal worked. Something about value for money.

Not that Devon cared much about money. He was in this to help people. Or had been. 

And the rest of the time was fixing up the variety of sexual mishaps that people got themselves into. 

"Of course if you stick a bag of holding up your ass you're not going to feel anything fuck you. Just pull it out yourself I'm not... fuck that's disgusting."

"What a tragic accident to befall you. You wouldn't believe the amount of customers I've had who've found themselves naked in the middle of the night atop a ladder and accidentally fallen on a wand of vibrations so hard it got stuck and won't turn off. Next time tie something on the other end and buy your wands with a flared base."

"You need to work on your wording. Next time a stranger offers you a wish be specific about what type of lying you plan to do, and what part you want to get bigger."

"You're totally stuck with that 12 inch pianist. Sorry, nothing I can do, unless you pay me. If you don't like the music, be nicer to them. I don't care if you don't have enough gold yet, form a novelty act and earn it."

"Devon, you need to get laid," Barda had said over a beer. 

"Wording," Devon sighed, exasperated. 

"That or take a holiday. Go do something fun."

Devon hadn't even been in the city for a week before he was inundated with yet more cursed clients. Students sneaking out of the school to ask for his help with their sexual awakening. He never asked questions but still they liked to talk and Devon quickly learned who the culprit was.

"You!" Devon said as he finally encountered the student. He'd expected someone taller, more impressive, more magical. 

The boy blinked back at him. This was no sexy siren, instead he was, at best, kind of cute in an average boy next door sort of way. "Have we met?"

"You. You're the one responsible for everyone sticking their cocks into places they don't go and things up their ass and using spells they shouldn't just for..." the more Devon ranted the more ridiculous it sounded until he trailed off.

"Are you okay?" the boy asked.

Devon shook his head.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?"

He was a stranger, and Devon wasn't one to blab all his troubles to someone he'd just met, especially not someone who was his nemesis arch-enemy. "People keep coming to me with their curses, day and night, and it's always, always sex related."

"And that's bad?" the boy asked.

Devon nodded. "Yes. I can't ever imagine it being nice anymore. I've seen things no man should see. I've been told secrets that should remain between a woman and her wife. They just keep finding me."

"You want a hug?"

Devon nodded, and the boy gave him a hug, which was solid and nice and the best sort of hug.

"If this is happening all the time, did you consider that you might be cursed?" the boy then asked. 

"Oh. Fuck. That would make sense."

"I can help you remove it," the boy offered.

"Oh, no, I've probably got this covered, thanks." Devon kept hugging. "Thanks. You are as nice as everyone says. Sorry for yelling."

"That's okay."

"I know, you're um, probably super busy and everything, but you want to get a drink maybe sometime? So I can say sorry properly. Once I'm uncursed that is."

"Sure."

Devon's stomach flipped when the boy agreed. It had been a long time since he'd been on a date. Maybe his luck was going to turn. Once he got rid of this curse.


End file.
